Last night was literally hell on Earth. The physical and emotional abuse is becoming more than tollerable. I know I need to turn, walk away, and never look back. I pray on the situation often, but the answer is always for me to stay. Maybe this is a point of growth for me, maybe that’s why God wants me to stay in this situation right now, maybe I need listen closer.
It started by Joe and I talking about the problems we’ve been having and how I feel like he constantly disrespects our relationship. I had went to get off the couch and slipped on the couch cover, when I slipped I had accidentally hit Joe. He furiously jumped up, grabbing around my neck, choking me. He must have realized what he was doing because he quickly pushed me back, releasing me. I had swung at him in effort to get him off of me, away from me long enough for me to explain that I had slipped. I went to hug him as I explained that I slipped and he pushed me again. The force of the push made me stubble back into my childrens swing. I yelled at him “Is this what you want your daughters around? This is how you want them to be raised? You want them to see a man put hands on their mother, to believe that it is okay for a man to beat on them, choke them, throw them around?” He started at me again, choking me and slamming my head into the wall. The conact, my head hitting the wall, made me periodically black out and causing me to fall to the ground when he released me. When I finally got up, I pushed him out my way while beginning to throw his stuff out informing him that I can not do this anymore. I can not allow myself to be both physically and emotionally abused.
Now that the violence had calmed, he begin trying to explain – which is what we had talked about in the first place. He goes from hot to cold; its unbearable.
I need to build myself back up so I can leave for good. The hardest part about being a stay at home mom is when things get to this point. The point where you know you need to get your kids, pack your stuff, leave and never look back. The point where you know exactly what you need to do, but you don’t have the means to do so.